i do not have the luxury
of languishing in loneliness
marinating in misery
not now
not when i’m within
kissing distance
of the finish line
i’ve spent the past few months
hauling my decidedly
non-marathon running ass towards
but i can less afford
to lose my mind
in the tsunami of ashes
that consumes my dreams
day and night
during the test
so as a compromise
i allow myself
to rupture in pieces
controlled
measured
or at least that’s what i tell myself
strategically forgetting
that grief can be
a bottomless pit