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in the absence of control, i create it

i do not have the luxury

of languishing in loneliness

marinating in misery

not now

not when i’m within

kissing distance

of the finish line

i’ve spent the past few months

hauling my decidedly

non-marathon running ass towards

but i can less afford

to lose my mind

in the tsunami of ashes

that consumes my dreams

day and night

during the test

so as a compromise

i allow myself

to rupture in pieces



or at least that’s what i tell myself

strategically forgetting

that grief can be

a bottomless pit

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