how to untie a knot

March 6, 2017

at first, it will seem impossible. you will marvel at the exquisite entanglement, wonder how the strands in your life could have become so convoluted. you will be paralyzed by the magnitude of the task before you, a web of live wires only you can unravel.


eventually, out of necessity, you begin. gloves on, you tug gingerly at the outermost layer, feel a stab of resentment when you encounter the inevitable shock of resistance. goddamn, why can’t things be easy? you stew in your misery for awhile, but try again. this time, the knot gives a little.


emboldened, you yank at a cord only to feel the knot tighten again. you seethe at the betrayal. your mind thought you were ready, but your body felt otherwise. you seek refuge on a bench outside a church, an atheist tempted for the first time to abdicate to the divine. 


but you can’t shed feelings any easier than you can move something that wants to stay stuck. so for awhile, you live with the knot pressing against your heart. some days it swells so hard, you feel yourself suffocating. you give yourself time to break before pushing back the weight. every day you work at taking care of yourself. every day you work.


and then one night, when you’re sitting on your couch, you know. guided by a blend of thought and intuition, your hands reach for the now-familiar tangle and carefully unwind the wires. there is no painful jolt. the current has been grounded. you begin to breathe easy again.

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